Kids are Funny People

I have thousands of pictures I could share, and millions of stories bouncing around in my head. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I'm spending most of my time these days just living life and running out of time to talk about it!

This, gem, however, needed a quick share.

Alyssa, fresh from the bath and resembling a cute little girl instead of an straggly orphan child, is jumping on her bed.

Me: "Alyssa, your bed is not for jumping on."

Alyssa: "I wasn't jumping!"

Me: "I can see you jumping!"

Alyssa: "Ok, I'll close the door."

Eric and I just looked at each other, stunned. Alyssa: 1 Parents: 0. It's hard to consistently enforce the rules when you are surrounded by little lawyers with the gift of gab.

And now, 11 reasons why my kids can always make me smile:

The Bet

About a month ago Eric starting working slightly more normal hours, meaning that he was at least home on Sundays. While the weather is nice, we like to take a family walk around the neighborhood. Apparently, Eric believes this is relaxation/de-stress time. Scotty, on the other hand, thinks neighborhood walks are a great occasion for conversation. Constant conversation. On one particularly chatty day, I tried everything. We hunted for treasure. We listened for animal sounds. I sent him on "adventure quests" to keep him distracted. Nothing. The mouth just doesn't stop. When we finally arrived back home, Eric mentioned that he wanted to watch a show, and Scotty wanted to join us.

E: Scotty, you can't keep your mouth quiet for more than two seconds.
S: I'll be super quiet!
E: Try to be quiet from the mailbox to our house.
S: (after about five steps) humming. clicking. buzzing. Outright talking.
E: SCOTTY!
S: I promise I'll be quiet!
E: I'll bet you ten bucks you can't just sit quietly for an entire show.
S: How about 70 dollars?
E: Fine. If you can sit quiet for an entire show and not talk AT ALL, I'll give you $70.

I had no part in the conversation, but found it amusing enough to post "The Bet" as my facebook status to see who would win. Not ONE person picked Scotty, because we all know (and love!) the kid. Quiet is just not one of his strong points.

Eric proceeded to watch the full hour of 60 minutes with Scotty perched quietly next to him on the couch. Whenever Eric would pause it, Scotty would turn and excitedly ask: "how am I doing, dad?" He clearly remembered the deal and was keeping his end of it. When I joined them, we re-watched part I had missed, so really Scotty kept his end of the bargain for and hour and a half.

Eric claims it was money well spent.

Last week Eric finally took Scotty to the bank to collect his $70. After a talk about tithing, and setting some aside for his savings account, Scotty started brainstorming all the things he was going to buy. Lots of rootbeer. Bouncy balls from the quarter vending machines. Toys from the dollar store. This kid dreams big :o) Then he remembered the remote controlled helicopters his Uncle Brent has....maybe when you're a bit older than four, bud!

Still, he was very proud of what he picked out.

You earned it, Scotty. And now Eric will take his bets a little more seriously!

The Philosopher

Scotty asks deep questions. While driving home from church he started a very involved discussion.

S: "When my daddy gets old and dies, will I not have a daddy anymore?"
Meg: "Daddy will always be your daddy, no matter what."
S: "But when he's dead he won't be around to be my daddy."
Meg: "He'll be in heaven but he'll still love you, watch over you, and care about you--he'll always be your daddy."
S: "But if he's in heaven he's not here on Earth, so it's not really the same."
Meg: "Feel free to jump in here anytime, Eric."
Eric: "I'm not dead, so don't worry about it."

We had this one over dinner:

Scotty: "What does 'birth' mean? Is it a bad thing?"
Meg: "Birth? It means the day you were born--when a baby comes out of the mommy's tummy, and it's a wonderful thing."
Scotty: "Then why do we have to protect people from birth if it's not a bad thing?"
Meg: "What? Where are you getting this?"
Scotty: "Like in the song! 'to protect me from birth'."
Meg: (singing in her head) "My choice was to come to this lovely home on Earth, to seek for God's light to DIRECT me from birth" (thank you, calling as the Primary Chorister!)

Meg: "The words are 'direct me from birth'."
Scotty: "so we should stay away from it?"

Meg: "English is a silly language, Scotty."

"I Know Everything Now!"

The Scottish never ends around here. A few gems from the past 24 hours.

Scene 1: Our fabulously green backyard.
Scotty is running around in circles on the lawn playing a variety of games with a friend. Because the Diamondbacks are currently in the NL playoffs, Scotty has taken to cheering for himself, baseball style. Alyssa gets in on the action by clapping along.
"Let's go, Scotty-d-backs, *clap*clap*clap clap clap*" he yells, waving his bat in the air (he bats left, by the way). "Throw the ball to me, mama!"
He swings, connects, and sends the ball flying....two feet away.
"I get to run!" he yells, taking off, while I pretend to chase him. "Look how far I made it, mama!" he says when I don't catch him. "I'm safe on the first endzone!"

I guess we're still football fans at heart here in Larsenland.



Scene 2: the kitchen table
Scotty is doing his "homework" for preschool, which involves reciting some poems and nursery rhymes, and writing his name 5 times by himself. What used to take lots of attention and help from mama now gets done in seconds, and amazingly well.
"Scotty, look how much you've learned since you started school," I said, showing him some of his best letters and tracings.
"I know!" he exclaimed excitedly, "I know EVERYTHING now!"

And I am just beginning to learn how much you can love someone who makes your head spin :o)

Kids are Crazy

Life is definitely hustle and bustle around here, though most of my chaos is making food, cleaning up food, very rarely eating any food myself, cleaning up messes, picking up toys, and putting kids back in bed five times a night.

Being a full time mom is more work than I ever imagined and sometimes I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. In fact, the writing of this blog post was interrupted to clean green paint off of Scotty's wall, carpet, pillow, stuffed animals, bed sheet, mattress cover, etc..... he tells me he was painting a road on the wall so he could play. That said, these two crack me up more than they drive me nuts. Besides, how can you not love these sweet, angelic faces?

I rest my case.

Praise to the Man -aka Why I Love my Calling

I'm the primary chorister in my ward, so it's my job to teach a wide variety of songs to small children. I spend about two hours running and jumping and singing and marching and being very animated and energetic. Church has never been so much fun! or so tiring...

This month the kids are learning Praise to the Man (#27 in the LDS green hymnbook, click on the song title link to hear it through the lds.org music player) and although I initially was worried about the vocabulary lesson, I'm having a great time. Mostly because it's obviously meant to be sung as part of a parade. With streamers (aka ribbon pencils). And bagpipes (if you don't know this stupid human trick let me know, it's hilarious). And lots of marching around the room in circles.

Even more than that, however, is the chance to teach these kids about the Prophet Joseph Smith, and to hear their sweet voices so excited. I challenged them all last week to memorize the words (we're singing verses 1 & 3) and I would bring them a surprise. I haven't brought any treats before so I'm not shamed by the occasional bribery.

Scotty is helping me make cookies right now and he knows he won't get one just because he's my son, so he's working hard. He sang the chorus for me this morning:

"Hail to the Prophet, singing in Heaven!
Traitors and tigers now fight him in bed.
Singing with Gods he can plan for his brothers,
Death cannot conquer the hero again!"

I can't wait for primary today!

P.S. We have since made a few "adjustments" to words, but I think I like Scotty's version better....

Scotty thinks he's the boss

These are too good to not write down! Can't really say that I'm proud, but at least I get a laugh out of our conversations...

"In four hours I have to go to work and say guacamole. That's what daddy does at work all day."

"Mom, your job is to take care of Alyssa and Scotty. And say nice things. My job is jumping on people's beds. It's how I make guacamole."

"Mom, I need you to listen the first time I say something. That's what Jesus wants. And Jesus wants you to not vacuum while I'm watching my cartoons. That makes him sad. You can't make Jesus cry, mom, it's not nice."

"When I'm bigger I'm going to have two big dogs, and their names will be Peanut Butter and Jelly, but I won't eat them."

"Mom you'll be so proud of me--I didn't rub my nose on your carpet! (um, thank you?) I just went like this (pinching nose) and wiped it in my hair..."  GROSS!

7 months

Now that Alyssa is well on her way to 8 months, it's time for a retrograde update :o)

Weight: 19 pounds (according to the bathroom scale and some basic subtraction)

purple toes and baby rolls

Height: 3/4 of Scotty. Literally, this girl is only about 8 inches shorter than her brother, who is a full three years older. Her feet already stick out the bottom of her infant car seat.
Hair: I would definitely describe her as a red head! I'm not sure why this makes me so excited, as really, I'd love her just as much no matter what her hair color was. I guess I just always imagined myself with a red headed daughter so it's fun to see that come true.

It's also more even now, as the bald spot it completely gone and it's starting to fill in around the back and across the top of her head. I also cut nearly two inches off the long patches and blended them in so she looks much less scraggly now. Though the sumo wrestler pony tail was cracking me up!

sumo ponytail

antennae girl

Favorite food: breastmilk, hands down. Well, I suppose milk is second to ice cream. She also likes mango, cinnamon oatmeal pudding, and banana. She tolerates a few bites of other things, like sweet potatoes, but is pretty unimpressed by solid food. It's been a long month of learning so far!

ice cream! my favorite!

 Favorite book: anyone she can turn the pages of

Favorite toy: her stuffed giraffe, which I have named Tag because that is her favorite part of any other toy, shirt, blanket, or article of clothing she gets her hands on.

Teeth: 1/8 of a bottom tooth that is playing peek a boo with us.

Skills: flops from sitting onto her stomach somewhat gracefully and at least without whacking her face on the floor. Spins purposefully in circles, pulls her legs under her, balances on her stomach with one hand, reaches three feet past her body length, and scooches backward (forward if the carpet is long enough to grab onto).

Favorite games: tickle with daddy, watching Scotty make funny faces or noises, peek a boo, drop the toy, and spitting conversations.

Scotty at the same age: not as chubby, same hair but darker, smaller eyes :o)

Special talents: this girl isn't nicknamed Lizard Lady for nothing--she can contort her sweet little tongue into all sorts of shapes. She loves to suck on her top lip, make fish faces, spit in three different dialects, and even curls her tongue, much to the dismay of her Nana, who physically cannot make such a cool face.

Funniest quirk: she flap her arms when she's excited or getting fussy. And by flap, I mean, pounds on her stomach like a drum hard enough to hear it across the room and occasionally burp herself.

Concern

What kids get upset about gives a lot of insight into their personality.

Alyssa freaks out if she can't see me, or if she's tired, can't grab hold of my hair and burrow in.

Scotty? Just brought me the Woody toy and desperately tried to get me to take his shoe off.

"Why Scotty? His shoes don't come off..." I questioned.

"But mom! It needs to come off! He keeps saying there is a snake in there!"



Even after a billion times watching that movie... :o)

New Mexican Scottish

Life is chaotic around here as we just got back from a fabulous week long vacation to Colorado. Being a family of four makes it expensive to fly, not to mention crazy with luggage and baby accessories, so we split our 14 hour drive into two days each way. Our first family roadtrip! The minivan makes all the difference :o)

Driving across New Mexico is boring. It's flat, straight, and filled with cows. I was having flashbacks of Nebraska, only with dirt instead of a grass. (Apologies to anyone from NM, I'm sure there are lovely areas!). Scotty was getting a little bored in his carseat, so Eric told him to direct his toy gun out the window and catch us some cows for dinner. For the next 20 minutes he was occupied "booming cows" out the window. Wanting to broaden his life experience a little bit, I started a discussion about milk.

Meg: "Alyssa drinks milk from mama, but your milk comes from cows."
Scotty: "You're so weird, mama. My milk comes from the fridge!"

Clearly, the boy did NOT grow up on a farm.

Another obvious bit of Scottish: he's a bossy kid. It stated with "STOP SINGING!" and progressed to "I'm not talking to you, daddy, I'm talking to mama!" We've been working on this without much effect. I did notice some specific progress during the long drive however. Common phrases from the backseat included: "Excuse me, I'm talking to daddy" and "no thank you singing, mama." Ha! Progress indeed. Politely worded bossiness? I'll take it!

There's a boy talking at our house

AKA: your most recent update of Scottish.

Scotty has started giving me descriptive sentences. "There's a boy in this room playing with a race track." "There's a daddy in the front room playing a football game." "Mom, watch out! There's a boy sitting behind this door getting squished!"

Also, I think he watches too many movies. Some of his recent comments:
"A cereal bowl? He's supposed to be dead!" followed closely by, "A spoon? He's supposed to be dead! Yeah, weird." (can anyone name the movie and the actual quote?)

Yesterday at Michael's he was excited to show me something on the next aisle.
S: "Mama, come look! A kangaroo family!"
Meg: "Kangaroos?" (it is decorating season, after all, and Kangaroos don't really hit the list for Thanksgiving or Christmas)
S: "Yeah, Kangaroos! Like Bambi!"
Ah. Turns out it was a family of mechanical reindeer.

After watching Alice in Wonderland, he sat me down to tell me a story.
S: "In my world, there would be trains. And trucks. And cars. And Lightning McQueen. And Alyssa."
Meg: "sounds like a cool world. Would anyone else be there? Like mama or daddy?"
S: "Nope, just Scotty and Alyssa. And Christopher Robin Hood. The end."

And of course, his latest "mom" line. I was making him stir fry rice and talking while I cooked. "You're not a girl, mama," he said, "you're a mom." Fishing for compliments, I asked: "An awesome mom?" His response? "No, you're just a mom. You'll be awesome after you finish cooking me lunch."

At least he's a man who knows what he wants.

Scottish

Life with two kids is always unpredictable. There are a few things I can always count on, however.

1. Eric will happily eat whatever I have thrown together for dinner. Even if this is frozen pizza for the third day in a row. Or leftovers that have been in the fridge for a week already. Or nothing.

2. Alyssa will drool all over her clothes and mine, have crazy hair, and make adorable faces.

3. I will be tired.

4. Scotty will say something that makes me laugh out loud. Recently these have appeared as facebook statuses, but I also keep a few priceless gems in the sidebar.

Some recent highlights:

"You're not my mommy right now. Soon. Maybe later. I think after Christmas."

S: "Nephi and I were fighting. With swords."
Meg: "Why were you fighting Nephi? He's a good guy!"
S: "Nephi was hitting me with a sword because he thought I was a monster. I was hitting him with a sword because I'm awesome."

"I think you're tired, mama. You better go lay down and get more sleep--you're acting cranky."

Maybe I'll make "Scottish" a regular feature, a la the man-child version of  cute outfit Friday...what do you think?

A Year in Review

I conducted an interesting experiment today that saved my sanity. It's been a long week with at least one kid crying at all times and very little sleep for any of us, though I'm the only one with an excuse (kids are keeping me up all night!). So I sorted my facebook profile by my status updates, which usually share funny scotty sayings or things that will be funny to me in a few years. Or lots of whining...hmm, I should work on that! Enjoy 2010 (thus far) in review:

January

maybe i'm starting to get used to be an accounting widow....or maybe that's just the chinese food i didn't have to cook talking...

Scotty just shattered an entire gallon bottle of vanilla on the floor. It smells wonderfully Christmasy around here! Much simpler than baking.

February

love watching the Olympics with Scotty. "I want to see the spaceship again, vroom vroom!" he says. He does make a valid point about bobsled...

Scotty spent the whole morning telling me that he would get to hear the "baby's heartbeeps" today....for some reason he doesn't seem as excited now! I think he's starting to realize that he's not getting a dolphin for a sibling.

April

Pregnancy is amazing--been throwing up for 20 weeks and still have managed to gain 12 pounds, right on track. Maybe because I'm self-medicating with ice cream?

Do you ever wonder what bizarre things your behavior teaches your children? Scotty is currently standing next to me and chanting "yay, mama! Throw up again!"

I feel so good today! I actually enjoy the idea and taste of food! so of course i'm binging on Easter candy...

maybe i take scotty shopping too much? he's currently "scanning" my credit card through the computer keyboard....

Scotty thinks the beeping noise construction trucks make when they back up is actually saying "move, move, move, move...." The kid does have a point.

May 

Sat down to play piano today for the first time in awhile...and when I finished Scotty looked at me and said, "that's a pretty song, mama. I liked it." I think that is all the encouragement I need to start practicing again!

i think i've given up on potty training. Plan B: Put Scotty in daycare for a few weeks and let them teach him as I am making absolutely no progress. Plan C? Have "Elder Larsen" embossed on a package of extra large pampers.

nausea, we are no longer friends. from now on, i will no longer even be civil. please don't retaliate.

June

note to Eric: we need a toolbox that LOCKS. or at least sits on a very high shelf :o)

survival = success. happy thursday everyone.

July

i think i have the best husband in the world. nothing says true love like a late night Wendy's run for chicken sandwiches ;o)

FINALLY back from jury duty. Surprised it took all day to decide that having a pregnant lady decide a case that might extend PAST her due date is a bad idea....

August

you know you're a professional mom when spending 2 hours at the DMV counts as "doing something productive"

Happy Birthday to Scotty! Can't believe he's already three and I'm about to start over with a newborn....of course he doesn't know it's his birthday as we celebrated a few weeks ago and if I tell him he'll expect cake :o)

sent the boys off to the Diamondbacks game. hmm, what to do for our first girls' night in? i'm thinking chic flick.

Dearest Darling Alyssa: the sun has gone to bed, and so must I. And therefore you, as well. So stop batting those bright baby eyes at me!

September

I am a much better mom on days that begin at 8:30 instead of 6. If only this happened every day!

two kids: super fun and easy. And sometimes I actually mean that! like right now, when they're both finally sleeping. chocolate, anyone?

got a flu shot today and it HURT. still aches actually...since when did i become a total wimp? six weeks ago i had a baby without meds and now i'm whining about a flu shot? lame.

I turned around to discover a large half watermelon sitting on the kitchen counter. "Don't worry mama," says my 3 year old Scotty while balanced on a kitchen chair, "I used two hands."

October

both kids AND the dog we're watching are asleep, and I'm on facebook?! I must be totally losing my mind. Time for SLEEP!

can Allstate protect me from mayhem like my toddler? i'll pay extra.

I snapped at Scotty after he purposefully dumped an entire bag of goldfish on the floor and he looked at me and said "Chillax, mama, I'll clean them up."

I wonder what he'll say tomorrow.... :o)

A Mother's Reward

 First things first, here is cute outfit Friday. This was actually Sunday but it's the last newborn thing that fits so I had to document it :o) And I left my feet in the picture because 1) my toenails match and 2) you can see what size she actually is. Though she is growing so fast she's starting to feel heavy to carry around! She has her 2 month checkup on Monday so we'll get the official weight but I think she's at least 11 pounds already.

Also, here is a mother's reward for the first two months of constant nursing and little sleeping: sweet baby songs and smiles.

thinking i'm pretty interesting

oh look, a doggie!

ok, what were you saying mom?

a cute smile!

how about a REALLY big one?

just to prove it's not a fluke....plus i'm a cute little monkey

  I also have to get Scotty in on the cute outfit Friday action because I found the perfect shirt for him:

 

He likes it because it has robots.

I like it for the caption. (click on the picture to see it big)

"I don't have a mute button." Isn't that the truth! Of course, his uncensored commentary cracks me up. I got a total gem yesterday:

"Mama, I'm going to be Batman for Halloween. But I think I'm going to be Hercules for Christmas."

Scotty Says

The other day Scotty walked into my room bright and early and announced, "I love Alyssa THIS much, mama!" stretching his arms as wide as he could reach. Smiling at his obvious love for his baby sister, I asked, "how much do you love me?" He furrowed his eyebrows in thought and said, "not that much mama..." and putting his hands about an inch apart he said "just this much."

Thanks, kiddo, I love you too! When I retold the story to my mom and her friends he made it even better by demanding that we stop laughing.

He continues to be my little running commentary and I find something to smile about every day. When people ask him what his name is he says "My name is Scott Larsen. I are a boy. I was 3 in August right now." He also loves to tell everyone he meets about his baby sister Alyssa, after announcing that he was in my belly first.

Last week I had to address him as "Batman Scott Larsen" as he wore his upcoming Halloween costume around the house. This week he's "just a little big kid."

What will he come up with tomorrow?

The Highpoints

Every day has its ups and downs, its surprises and its awkward moments. 
Here's the breakdown for Alyssa's arrival:


Most encouraging comment: this is a tie between two. First, my fortune cookie at dinner Friday night (as I beginning to go into labor, unbeknownst to all of us) said: "keep up the great work. You will be rewarded by the end of the month." I think I'll save that one. Second was the news that my hard work was paying off and I was at a 9. It was at that moment that I got a burst of confidence that I really could do this.

Most surprising moment: actually feeling the baby come out! You'd think I would have experienced this before but with Scotty they actually had to sit me up before I believed his head was out, as I couldn't feel a thing. As much as birth can be a beautiful thing, this is still an odd sensation. And a RELIEF.

Best comment: from my nurse to my skeptical ob: "don't be fooled by how calm she seems. she's having spectacular contractions!"

Hardest moment: being unprepared for an intense contraction--the reality for me is that labor is pain and sometimes more than your body can handle, which means it responds by going into shock for a second or two

Most awkward moment: Realizing that something was coming out and I couldn't stop it, which led to Eric catching something between my legs while I was standing over a hard tile floor with no nurses in the room (they were both off looking for doctors and came back with a somewhat overwhelmed looking resident!). It was only the amniotic sac but we had no way of knowing whether it had a baby in it or not! Eric gets bonus points for quick reflexes. I think he credits that to nerves of steel and video game reflexes.

Funniest request: "Eric, can you brush your teeth?" Suddenly, after hours of contractions and hard work, something about his middle of the night breath in my ear while supporting me during a contraction was too much. Fortunately mom had tic tacs in her purse :o) Sweet husband was not at all offended or annoyed by my request. He probably would have stood on his head if I told him it would help me.

Most useful tool: moving around a lot. I could handle a few contractions in just about any position as long as I didn't stay there too long. I think moving helped give me something concrete to focus on as well as make the pain change a little between muscle groups. At the end it felt so nice to walk around and let gravity do its thing.


"In your face!" moment: Seeing the ob who had told me at 5am that he was breaking my water in two hours walk into my room 10 minutes after I had delivered and be able to just smile up at him innocently. In the end I was glad my baby came to a wonderfully trained resident who trusted me and my nurses and let me do it my way. I know if my first ob had been on the other end of the delivery table I would have gotten commands I'm pretty sure I would have ignored and I know he would have cut me to just hurry the baby out.


Sweetest moment: holding my beautiful baby girl right after delivery. I wasn't sure I wanted to do that as with Scotty I knew something was wrong and felt horrible realizing that I didn't want to hold my baby. I told Eric to watch out for me and make sure it was what I wanted so I wouldn't feel like a bad mom for turning away my baby. He was very careful of my feelings and I realized that holding my sweet baby girl on my chest was the most amazing moment in the world. After months of waiting and working I felt like the three of us were literally in heaven for a few beautiful minutes.


Would I do it this way again? Ask me in a few months.




I'm pretty sure the answer will be convincingly yes.

Melodrama

Bring on the melodrama. In our house there are rarely tantrums. Instead there are dramatic sighs, slouched shoulders, and a long plodding walk with the pronouncement "I'm going to my roooooom...."

Sometimes when he's whining he'll tell me "I just need to cry right now, mama, I just need to cry." You can tell we've been talking a lot the past few months about the difference between a "sweet voice" and everything else. Now he'll look at me with a ridiculously fake smile, eyebrows raised, batt his eyelashes, and say, "please whine, mama? please whine?"

He definitely has his moments (or days, or weeks) and potty training is a whole different story, but in most cases he's such a sweet little guy to hang out with. He is a great helper around the house with cleaning and cooking so I have to remember to find ways for him to help before I get my hands dirty in order to prevent chaos. Just this morning he lectured me for putting his milk cup back in the fridge: "I put my milk away mama--you NEVER touch it. NEVER touch it!"

He is also getting quite the vivid imagination. Yesterday he was particularly concerned for the physical safety of his Nana and Papa in respect to a certain monster that lives under his bed....

Here he is all decked out in his "monster fighting gear" and demonstrating proper use of the hose/baseball bat.

Funny Boys

My boys say the funniest things. Scotty loved my singing when he was a baby, but for about the last 6 months anything more than 2 consecutive notes--even singing along to the radio--gets an immediate command of "Stop singing, mama!" Who knows how he'll survive adolescence when I'm sure to embarrass him just by existing...

Because music is important to me and I like singing, I've tried a variety of ways to get him to accept it. For about a week I got him to say "thank you for singing, mama" instead of commanding me to stop but he wised up.

A few days ago I tried a new tactic. "I like singing," I told him. "It makes mama happy."

He thought for a second and then looked me straight in the eye.

"Your singing makes me sad, mama."

Ouch! I couldn't help but laugh. And keep singing.

Eric is much more tactful when it comes to expressing his opinions. Unless he's asleep. I can always tell when he's exhausted because we get to have interesting conversations in the middle of the night. This past month he's been using every spare minute to study for the last of his four CPA exams. Last night I nudged him to turn over, as his snoring was keeping me awake. Instead of grunting and rolling a fraction of an inch like he normally does (or arguing that 'he wasn't snoring'), he reached over to pick something off the nightstand.

Meg: "What are you doing?"
Eric: "I just need to get this documentation."
Meg: "Documentation?"
Eric: "Yeah, for one of the entities at Freeport [the main client he audits]"
Meg: "Eric, it's midnight, and I just woke you up because you were snoring..."
Eric: "No, the documentation is right here...I just have to get it"
[random fumbling on the nightstand]

Meg: "Eric, that's the book you've been reading on the Constitution of the United States of America."

Eric: [confused silence] "Dang."

At least if I'm going to be awake in the middle of the night I have something to keep me entertained.

Verbalisms

I remember thinking to myself a few years ago: "it will be so nice when Scotty can really talk and communicate his needs." Ha! If I had only known what I was in for....

• Discussions about anatomy at top volume in public restrooms. No, mama is not a boy, and thank you for noticing so regularly!

• Public service announcements at the OB office: "mama peed in a cup!"

• Polite requests for inappropriate behavior: "please whine? Mama please? I want to whine!"

• Backward phrases: "Scotty is too big for that ladder" generally means that he has yet to grow into the playground equipment.

• Constant correction. Eric tried to get Scotty to say that mama was beautiful only to be emphatically told, "No! Mama's a GIRL!"

• Scottish. Every kid has their own language or words that get twisted. I'm still sad that he no longer says "Hoppy Toppin!" in reference to the world's best nanny. Still, he has enough Scottish to keep me laughing. Right now his big insistence is that we have to protect ourselves from crocodiles in the house by wearing firefighter hats "backsides" -- this rule is strictly enforced.

• Complete lack of context. Scotty actually speaks fairly well, but his sentences make little sense to anyone who wasn't present for the event three days (or even a month!) prior that he is currently discussing in detail. He also thinks that people can see through the phone and conducts guided tours of his play space while on the phone.
  

• Phrases that make me stop and ponder. The other day we were headed out to the park and Scotty nonchalantly informed me that he had "pooped the tappin." Since we're potty training the phrase got my attention but that's not the word we use so I was a little hesitant.... "pooped the tappin?" I asked. "Yeah," he replied, assuming a very wide stance and pointing at me with a stick, "POOP, POOP" he said while making 'poofing' noises. "Take that tappin! Poop! Watch out for the crocodile!"

Anyone catch that?


It took me awhile to remember that his movie of the week is Peter Pan.

Scottland

He cracks me up. Sometimes, he drives me nuts (this month he's being melodramatic and collapsing in hysterical tears), but mostly, he cracks me up.

Like clicking. He has always loved buttons and the accompanying click but he has yet to figure out that it's not the noise that makes something happen. For instance, he'll turn on my camera, point it at something, and then click his tongue. And click. And click.

Last week, he handed me the camera and told me to "click it" so I asked him to pose.


Nice work, little GQ man. Now if only I could get you to look at me at the same time...

A few days ago, Eric got home from work just in time to help Scotty out in the bathroom. We're on the slow track to potty training and he had decided he wanted to try it standing up. When we walked into the bathroom he was standing on his tiptoes, barely tall enough to reach the toilet, and making clicking noises, waiting for something to happen. I just got to laugh and tell Eric that I had no pointers to offer on that particular predicament!