So BIG!

Suddenly, I feel like my baby is no longer a baby, but a little kid! Somewhere he morphed from a tiny baby I held (squirming) in my arms, trying to latch on to my elbow pit, to a log-rolling, worm crawling kid with teeth and collared shirts just like his daddy...

Check out my little boy's newest trick--he's so proud! He calls for me to recognize his accomplishments, and I can't tell who's smile is bigger, mine or his! (or his Nana's...) Makes me happy I get to be home with him and catch all these sweet moments as they fly by.

One thing for sure, we are all enjoying our time down here! Some of you have wondered between the talk of me leaving my graduate program and Eric looking for a full-time offer: we're not actually in Phoenix to stay (yet!). Eric's last day of work is April 4th, but we're staying down here for the month to actually see each other for a change and to play before our cruise on the 21st...BUT Eric starts classes back at BYU on April 29th so we'll be back to our cozy little cottage by the end of April. I am looking into getting my teaching certification completed while we're still near BYU but i'm not convinced the scheduling is possible--does anyone know anything about this? the education department confuses me... Otherwise, the three of us will be living it up in Provo until Eric graduates with his bachelor's and master's in April 2009, and then he'll probably start with EY in Phoenix in September of 2009. Hope you Utahns are enjoying your cold weather...here are pictures of our sunshine!

Leaps and Bounds!

Babies amaze me--one day all they can do is cry and the next they can roll themselves around the house! None of this line upon line stuff for Scotty, it's more like leaps and bounds.

For instance:

Yesterday, three big things happened for Scotty, all out of the blue.

1. He can pick up Cheerios with either hand and actually get them to his mouth! He loves to eat and munching on Cheerios keeps him distracted when his cereal runs out...but suddenly he can feed himself! He finds this very rewarding. Almost as exciting for us as they day he could put his own pacifier in...
2. He's a clicker! In my family, they tap babies gums with their little metal baby spoons to listen for the "click" of teeth...we've been semi-joking about him teething these past few weeks because he was cranky and had a super runny nose, but there was no sign of any real teeth...suddenly yesterday there they were! Well, not really, if you can get him to open his mouth and NOT try to eat your finger, you can see just the outside edges of both bottom teeth...
3. He busted out whole strings of "Dadadadada!" completely out of the blue. He's been saying "Mmm-ba" and "Maamaamaa" for awhile now, and occasionally "Non" (my mom is Nana-Jeanni), but now also belts out a song of "Dada"s whenever Eric walks in. So cute!!!

Right not, he's singing to himself and trying to give himself kisses in the mirror. Eric just laughs and says, "Scotty, you have got to be the cutest kid in the world."

Amen, brother, Amen.

10 Things

Ten Things We'll Miss About Provo:

1. Being able to walk everywhere! the library, campus, friend's houses...
2. Fall colors (I know they're pretty lame in Utah compared to anywhere back East, but still!)
3. The National Parks! Especially Goblin Valley, home of many great adventures
4. BYU sports! i'm not sure how we'll survive...
5. Ballroom dancing...haven't found a place away from Utah for this yet!
6. How everything that would seem weird anywhere else is somehow normal
7. Having a calling I won't get anywhere else till I'm old (have you ever met a family history consultant who didn't have grandkids?!)
8. Having so many friends who share the same standards and values (and playmates for Scotty!) and having a temple close by
   
9. Doc's pizza buffet, Cafe Rio, and $1 movies
10. Desert Industries, which provided shelving, shoes, decorations, and almost all of our furniture...

Ten Things We Love About Phoenix:

1. The freeway system and a carpool lane that works
2. (generally) Good drivers!
3. Sunshine, blue skies, cacti, palm trees, and sunsets
4. Family close by!!!
   
5. Being able to leave the house without bundling up and wearing flip-flops year round (except to church!)
6. the Mesa Easter Pageant!
7. Having more obvious opportunities to share what is important to us
8. Calzones from T.C. Luigi's, enchilada pizza from Nello's, and anything from Baja Fresh
9. The world's best Ross! sponsor of my entire wardrobe :o)
10. Nice, wide streets that aren't filled with parked cars
    

On a Happier Note...

Thank you THANK you!
To everyone who responded to my last post--thank you for the support and indignation on my behalf ;o) I honestly feel much better about the whole thing.

I am officially earning my title as Domestic Engineer around here--I'll post pictures of all my fabulous work soon but so far I have redecorated my parent's kitchen and entry, pieced a quilt of my high school T-shirts (*ahem* Martha Birk *ahem*), done 7 fabulous hair cuts, and I'm doing the family history research for my parents' trip to Scotland in June! I've also read lots of good books and spent a lot of time walking and running errands.

So, I thought I would post some of our current happenings here in Phoenix...




Eric has been working hard at his internship and getting lots of positive feedback and reviews. He spent the first two months auditing Freeport-McMoran, a mining company with an amazing office building downtown (and put it 445.2 hours! good thing i'm with my parents to keep from getting lonely...) He spent two days at Limelight, and is now working at GoDaddy.com for the next few weeks...yes, that GoDaddy from the superbowl ad, but NO he has not seen Danica Patrick. And even if he had, I doubt he would have noticed ;o) He's focused on his work, and he's got me to look at in his spare time!


Assuming all goes well, his last official day of work is April 4th, and he'll most likely have a job offer by then. We'll be sad to leave our friends in Provo but we're looking forward to living in Phoenix!


Scotty is happy and healthy, though he has a very congested sounding cough this week (but no fever). I jumped on the scale yesterday with him and I think he's between 16 and 16.5 pounds. He loves to sing, eat food, flap his arms, and sit. When I put him down on the floor he can wriggle around and roll all over the place, but he can only go backward and sideways at the moment. Also, his bottom two teeth have definitely been moving and will probably make an appearance some week soon...

Ok, I know I'm biased, but he is seriously the most adorable baby ever!!! (Feel free to post a different opinion and brag about your own kid! I give you permission...)

Doing the right thing...even through tears

Why is it that doing the right thing is often the hardest thing to do? I think at least occasionally it should feel easy, just to motivate me to keep doing the right things the rest of the time. Still, I know I would regret making any other choice, and that makes it easier, right? RIGHT? I plan to keep on asking until I give myself the right answer.

For those of you who didn't know, I received a letter in January from the department (where I was a year and a half into a master's program in chemistry) informing me that my graduate status had been listed as "marginal". I was told that I needed to commit to 40+ hour weeks for the entire next year (April to April) to have any chance of graduating, but like the fickle program it is, no guarantee of a degree in April 2009.

What are the five stages of grieving? Oh yeah--let's start from the very beginning (a very good place to start).

1. Denial and isolation:
Well, hmm, I got the letter in January and I was told to inform my department of my decision by the end of February. Up until last week, my solution was to just not deal with it. I spent plenty of time thinking and sorting my options, but I essentially made my decision within days of getting the letter. I just chose not to do anything about it because...well...ok I admit it, I had no good reason for putting it off except that I wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. Sounds like I worked my way out of denial, so--moving on!

2. Anger:
Anger? me? NEVER!!! WHY DO YOU ASK??? Ok, this is a no-brainer. Let's examine the facts, shall we?
a) I was given an extra stipend when i was accepted to the program for being an outstanding incoming candidate (so far so good).
b) incoming students must pass four of five proficiency tests within the first three semesters in order to continue in the program--i was the only student in recent history to pass (albeit miraculously, i won't lie!) all four required tests on my very first try. (I tell myself this so I feel better--I can't stand the thought that I flunked out because I just wasn't smart enough!)
c) i completed the majority of my graduate coursework before completing my bachelor's, leaving me extra time for research from the very beginning. I also kept a 4.0 for all of my coursework including research, even through a rough pregnancy and juggling to find babysitters for scotty so i could attend my seminar.
d) after putting 8 months into my initial project, it was completely revamped last March. Additionally, it was sent back into the hands of the electrical engineers to be redesigned, to be eventually passed to me for testing. In December it was decided that the revamped project was also not going to work, and was completely scrapped for an entirely new project that sounded great on paper but hadn't gotten anywhere past that stage yet.
e) two days before the project was canceled (AGAIN!) I prepared a paper and presentation to give in front of my committee detailing my research thus far as a grad student and outlining the steps I would take to complete my project and earn my degree. As the project ceased to exist, I assumed that presentation would be meaningless and could not be given. Apparently, as I was informed TWO MONTHS LATER, I could have gone ahead with the presentation anyway and would have received credit for my progress report! At this point, I was also told that my failure to complete this requirement was one of the main reasons for my probationary status. True, I was originally supposed to present in August, but who would have guessed that Scott would come early? I had a twelve hour old son at the scheduled time of my original presentation.
f) despite the project problems, I put in 50 hour weeks for 15 months. Doing what, you may ask? (I still wonder, looking back). For the most part, TAing--which i loved! Unfortunately, they don't award graduate degrees in TAing in my department, so my effort didn't help my cause. During my program, I taught an organic lab and TAed for a sophomore level analytical lab, a graduate level analytical lecture class and the lab, and a chemistry writing class where i was the only TA for three sections of students. Good thing the department found me so useful!
g) in case you thought I was running out of things to be angry about, I supplemented my initial project with a second this past semester (yes, with a colic-y newborn!). I created an experiment for the graduate lab I TAed in the past from the bottom up--ordered, installed and tested all of the equipment, designed additional pieces to be manufactured in house, and prepared a lab curriculum for the class. It was supposed to be implemented this semester, and as I am currently in Phoenix for Eric's internship, I wasn't able to TA that class this time around. So, apparently, that project didn't count either--I did everything but actually supervise students putting it into practice, but you guessed it--almost doesn't count.

Ok, that's enough anger. I've moved on :o)

3. Bargaining:
I tried this one for about a week, and gave up. There is no way the department can or will guarantee that any project will work, or that work put into a project that yields nothing (yet again!) will still qualify me for a degree. In the end, I feel this was a moot point anyway, because I'm realizing that what I really want to do I can't do with a master's alone, and even if they could guarantee me a degree, I don't think i would continue for the sake of my mental health and my beautiful baby boy. No matter how I draw the line or write the story, I love being a mom in ways I never even liked being a grad student and I wouldn't miss my sweet Scotty for the world.

4. Depression:
Of course, I still have some doubts--will I regret not finishing this degree in the future? Does quitting now mean that I failed? I've always heard I could do anything I put my mind to, and I had the right start and I put my mind to it, and still came up short...I don't regret starting, and I definitely don't regret having a baby when I did, but somewhere it doesn't all quite add up anymore.

5. Acceptance:
Well...they say it can take awhile, and I'll probably bounce around for awhile, but there are a few keys things that reassure me that I am in fact doing the right thing for me. In the end, when my kids (however many of them there end up being!) are in school, I would love to teach high school chemistry. It takes a certain kind of person to teach high school kids to love science, and it's something I'm passionate about! I am excited about the idea and think it would be a wonderful thing for me, and a great thing for my family as well.

Until that time comes, I plan to pursue a secondary teaching certificate, but most of all: I want to just enjoy what I have now. I love being a mom! I've heard everything that can be said about motherhood being isolating, exhausting, and unrewarded...and that is true, but there are so many moments that make me glad I won't miss this.

There is nothing more beautiful than that sweet little smile I get every morning when I peek my head over his crib, the eyes that look so trustingly into mine, and the face that says: "Mama! You're here again just for me! I am so glad you're my mama!"

I wouldn't give this up for anything.