Coming Full Circle

Life is full of twists, turns, and unexpected dips. Over the past few months, many things have reappeared in my life, running a parallel course that makes me remember who I was the last time I charted that course.

In high school I was a member of the dance company for three years, after missing company by 1 point as a freshman. During those four years I got to know my dance teacher very well--her husband was even my calculus teacher! When I returned home in the summer after college I visited her students and taught them a beginning dance routine. Years later, when I student taught at my former high school, I got to show her pictures of my adorable little boy. She retired that year, and was killed in a car accident in August 2010. We staged a tribute concert for her last February and the money we raised was used to fund a dance education scholarship for a graduating company member. Last week I had the privilege of attending the dedication of a beautiful dance room that now bears her name. The building was constructed in 2003, so I never got to enjoy it, but I worked along side her in the year leading up to construction; for my AP statistics class I did a study of dance programs in our district and discovered that we had the largest program (nearly double the amount of dancers) and 1/8th the dancing space of any other school.

This is a perfect tribute to her years of hard work.

Rounding another curve, I find this:

We affectionately termed it "The Cottage." I would look out the windows as friends and family approached for the first time, smiles plastered over the terror in their eyes. They always let out a sigh of relief when I opened the door: "It's actually really nice on the inside!" In reality, that was only a half truth. Compared to the outside, four standing interior walls would have been reassuring. Before moving in 2 weeks before Scotty was born, we laid laminate flooring over the flood damaged concrete. We had new carpet installed in the bedroom. And we conquered a serious case of mold with bleach, mold-inhibitor paint, mold-prevention drywall (yes, we DRYWALLED) in Scotty's room. Which was also the only closet in the house. (He is still disturbed by the idea that he lived in our closet.....)

We lived in The Cottage for 2 years, through the addition of a power pole in the backyard (the day I returned home from the hospital after a rough delivery!), a constant battle with roots in the pipes, and semi-annual "pour stuff down all the drains in the house to prevent additional buildup." If we forgot our semi-annual ritual.....well, let's just say it all came up the tub. Which had only one handle that would stay attached. We kept rebuilding the pipe, reattaching the handle, and making it look nice--but by the end we resorted to showering with a handy pair of pliers to turn the water on and off. The first year we battled the chest high weeds in the backyard with a borrowed rototiller and spread seed by the bucket. Nothing grew, except more weeds. And maybe rocks. The next summer I pulled weeds in the front yard by hand, spread seed and fertilizer, and carefully watered. Obsessively watered. Nothing grew. Except for some patches of grass in the backyard!

Getting a power pole in the backyard right after Scotty was born

We graduated from school, packed up the house, and moved to Arizona. I had mixed emotions, as the prospect of a "real" house was so enticing, but the friends, neighbors, and memories were hard to leave behind. After we left, the original historic adobe walls went from structurally sound but really ugly and peeling to a built in fan letting the drafts through. The house had seen enough, held enough, and needed to go. It was condemned by the city a year after we left and, finally, met its demise.

The view from the front street, looking down the walk to the front door

Part of me wants to stand on this pile of rubbish and raise my arms in triumph.
We conquered that house!
We tamed the wild beast!
 And part of me feels like I could sift my memories out of the dust like pictures. Our first night as a family of three. Scotty's first smile. His first laugh. He would crawl around and push his toys down the radically sloped floors. He learned to pull himself up on the child-danger of an exposed furnace. I can still hear him clicking around the wood floor wearing a pear of my high heels. I can't begin to count the number of baths in that old pink tub, or the times I found myself on hands and knees scrubbing the floor.

Driving the pink tub

We may have conquered the Cottage, but it still feels like an old friend, and a part of me, the part of me that paints life into beautiful soft focus, will miss it.

Jimmer vs. Frodo

Thought these would be interesting...turns out The Jimmer looks an awful lot like Frodo Baggins, only taller (and with slightly smaller feet...I think).

Some traditions (apparently) can't be broken.

I've been posting about how different my two birth experiences were, and I was surprised by how different this pregnancy was from the first time around (overall, much worse, unfortunately!). Still, there are some traditions that apparently can't be broken.

My kids are 3 years and two days apart. After huffing and puffing my way around Provo very pregnant all summer with no air conditioning in our car and a small portable unit in our house, I swore I would never again have an August baby. Then I moved to AZ where the temperatures regularly hit 110 and July-August is a humid monsoon season and did it all over again. Next time (if there is a next time), I'm hoping for May.

And then there was this.

The day after coming home from the hospital with my newborn baby and lots of trauma and bloodloss, the city erected a power pole in our backyard. The power was off all morning at our house and I was forced to retreat to the public library with a three day old infant. I still owe a big thank you to our old neighbors, the Harmons, for letting me take a nap at their house while the cottage cooled back down!


This time there was no power pole, just the realization at 2am on Friday morning that our air conditioning was off. We're pretty sure it must have gone out sometime that evening but at 2am it was 85 degrees inside. Scotty slept through the night without stirring while Eric and I experimented with our evaporative cooler and turned all the ceiling fans on high. Once it was morning we packed the kids up and headed to my mom's house, where I spent the day in coolness while Eric waited for the repair guy. It's always an emergency when your AC breaks in AZ on a day with 109 degree temps, but it's especially difficult when you have a 6 day old infant and a recovering new mama.

I'm glad we got that tradition over with! Except we didn't, apparently. Just as we were headed to bed last night (and Eric was about to jump in the shower), the power went out. With clear skies and a full moon all we had to do was open the blinds to navigate our silent house. No AC is bad, but no fans and no AC is noticeably worse. According to the power company it only affected our square mile block. Fortunately both kids slept through it (after Scotty got upset that his night light had turned off) and after a cold shower the power kicked back on after an hour.

Any other adventures in store?

Happy Mother's Day

To all the amazing women I have in my life: Happy Mother's Day. Whether your kids are grown, you're in the trenches, or you have yet to begin that wild ride, you are all wonderful mothers! I have learned so much from all of you about how to love, how to enjoy life, and how to conquer tough things. We all know that being a mother is hard work and long hours, so I thank you for also reminding me that being a mother is about the little things and learning not to take everything seriously. Thanks for being part of my journey :o)

(Not every mother would be up for Rock Band at 3am!)

(I love the reality in this picture....ignore both of our screaming children,
we're just happy to have company!)

And of course, no Mother's Day for me would be complete without a picture of the little guy who first changed my body and is now changing my heart. I love being your mother!


My amazing sister in law, April, sent me this story a year ago and I saved it, pulling it out to read it on those "special occasions" when I needed a reminder of why I was doing this crazy thing called motherhood.

Invisible Mother.......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone (or even on the toilet) and ask to be taken somewhere.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm busy?'

Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a taxi to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England.

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work.

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4:00 in the morning and bakes homemade pies. Then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

TODAY! (well, actually Wednesday)

For anyone who hasn't heard yet heard, we are having a baby girl! She looks happy and healthy and nicely curled up :o) So far I've only succumbed to one adorable little outfit but mostly because I've been so busy taking Scotty on fun adventures that I haven't been in a store.

I have fun pictures of our adventures to post and I'll scan the ultrasound pics for the few people who might care (blurry blobs of other people's kids just aren't always that fascinating, I know). Right now I am frantically packing for a trip with Eric to Provo this weekend and taking Scotty to the zoo today!

Eric and I are so excited to add to our family and to have a daughter! She's already got him wrapped around her teeny tiny finger...

Stephen's Wedding

A month ago we took a quick trip to Utah for Eric's brother's wedding. Eric's busy season had already started so he flew in for a total of 20 hours, including commuting to and from the airport. Scotty and I drove up with my wonderful mama who drove the whole way and let me sleep in a dramamine-induced haze.


We had a whirlwind few days of family and friends and feel so blessed to have seen so many. Scotty especially loved seeing his Grammy (my grandma), Grandma, Pita (sorry, Charlie, we're not sure where he came up with that name but it's stuck!), and his cousins.


Unfortunately my camera battery died at the beginning of the trip and I just didn't think to get it out most of the time, so I have no pictures of Scotty with anyone other than his cousins. I didn't even get a picture of the bride and groom! Or myself as a bridesmaid, or any type of family picture...you get the idea.


Thanks to all the friends and family who took such good care of us while we were there! Scotty talked about Marian for weeks after the trip and even had the nursery leaders in our old ward convinced that he had a baby sister named Mer...

We are delighted to welcome Emily to the family and appreciate her sweetness and willingness to brave our intensely-competitive board games. Nice work, Stephen.

We also have a new favorite funny picture. Thanks for the face, kid.

The Highlights

A few weeks ago Eric and I took a quick trip to Utah for a recruiting event while Scotty got to stay and get spoiled by the grandparents. It was great to see friends and family and we were sad to leave so soon!

Thanks to all of you who switched your schedules around to hang out with us! Unfortunately I only took 5 pictures the entire weekend, but I did catch this one with Annicka and Martha after church.
Alexander's: it's Aggravation Time this Christmas, and Nick--you're going down. Bytheway the series is currently tied so don't start bragging!

On our drive back to the airport I was enjoying the nice fall scenery and the new Ryan Shupe Christmas cd we bought (and got signed!) at the recruiting concert. Eric casually pointed out the window and said "that's a nice view." I glance to my right, expecting a pretty red tree or a speckled mountain, when I see a huge eye, staring right back at me.

Wait, what?! An eye? With antlers?
A pile of dead deer driving next to us on the freeway?

Welcome back to Provo, Larsens. I think I'll stay in Phoenix.

A quick recap

Well, last week was fall break and I made GREAT use of my "relaxing time off" by accompanying Eric on a business trip to Tucson with Scotty in tow for three days and then a quick childless trip to Provo over the weekend. It was fun to be home with my little monkey again, get some sunshine and exercise, and see great friends and family--we have missed you! To those of you we didn't get to see, sorry it was so quick, we'll be back in January and you're always welcome here in AZ.

Here's a recap, picture style.