God's Toddlers

Just before her first trip to Disneyland...

Determined to grimace because I asked her to smile!

Alyssa is 2.5. Fiercely independent. Determined. Focused. Infuriatingly stubborn. At any given moment, she is most likely doing exactly the opposite of what I'm asking her to do, usually while yelling or screaming in frustration.

And I'll admit it, sometimes she is not the only one yelling in frustration.

At times of quiet, late at night when the kids are finally sleeping, I've been puzzling over how to be her mother. How can I help her master new skills while bringing the volume level down? How can I handle her outbursts without adding some of my own? Why is her behavior so difficult, and why am I not showing more love and patience? I think we've all been there.

Last week I spent time thinking about how I could keep my cool, and praying about how to be a better mother. It's hard not to get down on yourself when you replay those moments in your head and realize that you could have given a hug instead of a frown, or a minute of quiet instead of yelling back. I prayed to feel more love for her even in the hard times, so I could have the patience to handle the chaos. I prayed to see her as our Heavenly Father must see her, a small child trying and struggling to grow up.

Instead, I saw me, and I learned something.

I am God's toddler.

I ask for something, and He tells me it is coming. Do I sit and wait, patiently, quietly, until it is time? Or do I keep asking, and asking, and asking as if I'm not sure He really heard me the first time?

I am trying to learn something new, trying to master a new skill. This parenting thing is HARD, but I know I'm supposed to be able to do it. So I just keep trying, harder, louder, not understanding why it's JUST NOT WORKING. Do I listen to His guidance and advice? Do I let Him show me how? Help me? Do I even let Him stand in the same room and gesture in the right direction?

I am frustrated and worn-out from all of my struggling. Do I let Him comfort me or am I too busy being grumpy to feel His love?

I get frustrated with myself because I want to be better, I know I can be. I fall short, and I have trouble accepting that. I want to be able to do everything right! Can I see that He recognizes the effort? That He is excited for the steps I am making and not solely focused on the outcome?

I hope the next time I find myself pushed to the breaking point, I can take a step back and realize that when I comfort her and teach her with love, I have a Father looking over my shoulder and guiding me too. I won't always be perfect, and neither will she, but "this too shall pass" and toddlers grow up.

Even God's.