Imperfect Motherhood

A few things have really got me thinking recently about what it means to be a woman and a mother. How do I know if I am a "good" mother? Am I doing enough? Am I doing the right things? What about all the things I'm *not* doing?

I was really impressed by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk during the Relief Society General Broadcast on Saturday--and not just because every single word was directed straight at me. To fill the rest of you in who don't know what I'm talking about, he described the difference between when his wife cooks and when he does.

Woman: Makes a delicious, healthy, and visually appealing meal. Looks too perfect to destroy by eating, but tastes even better than it looked. He says: "wow, this is amazing. Great dinner!" She says: "I'm sorry, I think I added too much ginger." or "I'm sorry, I should have added more spice."

Man: Makes his specialty, fried eggs and twice-toasted bread. The eggs are a little greasy and the toast is burned. He says: "Hey, I did pretty dang good!" She says: "Thanks for cooking--you're wonderful."

Why is it that we (especially women but men too) seem to always notice our inadequacies? We give ourselves no credit for what we did accomplish if the end result doesn't match up with the picture in our heads. We are so busy being focused on what we're not that we forget who we are.

I stumbled across an article written by Orson Scott Card (author of Ender's Game and the Women of Genesis series among many others) about his wife, Kristine. If you identify with what I'm rambling about here at all, you NEED to read this article. He describes his wife as a perfect wife who dedicates her time and energy to doing everything she can for the family, but doesn't iron his shirts. A perfect wife who doesn't bake her own bread.

"O my fellow Saints, ye males and ye females! Hearken to my voice!

There are so many ways to be a good Mormon wife. They involve taking all the talents and all the time and all the means that God has given you and using them to serve others, especially your family.

The key phrase is that you use the talents God has given you. And you use the time that you actually have.

1. Not everybody is good at everything. I can't manage money. Kristine can't write novels. So I write the books and she pays the bills.
2. Not every possible use of your time is as important as every other use. Kristine didn't have time to take care of our kids' needs (including the handicapped one), do her church callings, run our business, and learn to make bread and iron my stupid shirts.
   

Here's what a good Mormon wife does: Whatever must be done for the good of her family.

Here's what a good Mormon wife does not do: Beat herself up because she can't do every good thing that she's seen other Mormon wives do. There is no article of faith or temple recommend interview question dealing with shirt-ironing or bread-baking or even money-managing.

We all have our own marriages, our own talents, our own lives. Keep the commandments, be kind to each other and provident and wise with your children.

After that, whatever you do is what Good Mormon Wives and Husbands do; and whatever you don't do is obviously something that you don't have to do to be a Good Mormon Spouse."

So, in honor of that, here it is:

True Confessions of a Wonderful Wife

1. Sometimes, we have cereal for dinner. It includes dairy, grains, fruit (sometimes), and you get to slurp the flavored milk out of the bowl afterward.
2. If you come by my house before 10am, I am almost guaranteed to still be in my pajamas. Scotty is more snuggly in the morning and staying in my pj's is my way of being optimistic that he will take a nice long nap. Also, If I have makeup on in the morning it generally means I was too lazy to wash my face the night before.
3. I try to practice consistent parenting. Occasionally, however, I will bribe Scotty with just about anything to let me have a few moments of quiet or to take a quick shower. Or to sit through Sacrament meeting.
4. Bobby pins and body spray can make up for not getting even a quick shower. Also, I rely on cute shoes and earrings to make an instant change from "frump mom" to "hot chica."
   
5. When I'm walking around campus and can't find a drinking fountain, I'll borrow Scotty's sippy cup. Afterall, my purse is now a diaper bag and there is only so much room!
6. Sometimes, I skip the "hanging up the clothes" part and we just wear clothes straight out of the dryer until it's time to start laundry again. Besides, Scotty's room doubles as our closet...
7. I have more fun coloring than Scotty does.
8. I spend time every day just watching my cute little monkey and smiling, even when there are dishes rotting in the sink and nothing to eat for dinner.
9. I know it's time to mop the wood floor when Scotty's feet turn black by the end of the day. I also use his spills and sippy cup drips to spot clean.
10. Sometimes I get frustrated. Sometimes I just need a break. I often don't cook, and Eric comes home to house that's even messier than the one he left in the morning. But every day I get to look around and realize how blessed I am to be a wife and a mother.

Here's my pledge.

I will spend less time noticing what I don't do, what I don't have, or what I'm not, and more time giving myself credit for what I get done, more time acknowledging what I have been given, and more time recognizing who I am.

Scotty's Antics

this blog really has become Scottland, as he definitely wears the pants in the family. Who would have guessed that I loved this little guy enough to let him completely control my life?!? He is always pulling some new trick that makes me laugh and I just have to enjoy all the time I get to spend with him.

Here are today's laughs:
Scotty loves to imitate me, and he loves my hairbrush and my shoes. Sometimes he tries to eat them, but his newest thing is trying them on (he tries Eric's too but they just slip right off). We found this pretty amusing today...

We often call my mom on the phone so he can talk to his Nana, and he's getting used to hearing her voice on my phone and talking back. Today, he managed to accidentally call my dad and he was so amazed at the new voice in my phone! It was actually my daddy's birthday so we got to wish him well at work :o) Happy Birthday Daddy! I'll give you a hug when I see you in a few weeks...(and sorry, Scotty hung up on you!)

Anyway, when we were talking to my mom today she was telling him how much she loved him and blowing him kisses, and at the word "kisses" he put his lips to the screen of my phone and said "bwah" like he gives me kisses. So cute! I tried to catch it on video, or at least him talking on the phone, but this is what I got.

Still cute, right? How can you not smile at this little guy? I love my life!

P.S. I mentioned that I cut myself some bangs last week, so here's a quick shot...they're cuter when i actually do my hair, but hey, i showered and dressed today, what more do you want?

5 Happy Things

I thought I could use a little more sunshine in my life this week, so here you have it.

Five things that make me happy:

1. My Cute Monkey. *almost* everything about him makes me smile, but my current favorites are how he baby mumbles and it sounds like "ba-Jamba Juice", how we waves bye-bye by flicking his wrist instead of moving his fingers, how he "buckin-bronco" rides pillows every time I make the bed, and how he puts his own diaper in the trash can every time I change him. My MOST favoritest happy Scotty moment today is how he brings me books and actually wants me to read them to him! I'm such a book junkie that it made me nervous that he didn't like books except as occasional chew toys....
2. Social activities! I don't know how I would survive being a SAHM without all of the groups and friends I have so close by. Thank you to everyone who comes to craft group, ladies day out, etc. and lets me drop by at random--you're a credit to my sanity :o)
Last week we had a "pamper yourself" enrichment including manicures by girls in cosmetology school and it inspired me to make a little change, so I gave myself bangs...

3. The sound of the key in the door--it means Eric is home! He is great about helping out at home and playing with Scotty, but there's something extra in knowing he's home for the day and I can get a break (or a nap!) if I need one. I love you, Eric! Scotty also loves it when daddy comes home because it means the door is open and he can make a dash for it.

4. Instant food. I love food, but some days it's just not on the priority list, so having instant food is tremendous. Even better when it's healthy, like grapes! But I would have eaten ice cream if our freezer wasn't empty...


5. BYU football. What can I say, it's our last year, they have a great team, and it drives my anti-BYU family nuts! :o) Seriously though, we have a good time at games, even if Scotty is not a fan. Our current motto is "Go Big or Go Home" and we apply it to everything, including school spirit and playing Ticket to Ride online.

New Tricks

I can tell that my little monkey spends a lot of time watching me...he's really starting to imitate me (but he makes it look cuter!) Besides sweeping and brushing his hair, he spends lots of time talking on the phone and reading books.

What surprises me though are the things he does that i'm not sure when he picked up! For instance, yesterday we took a diversion to the Alexander's to visit Christine and Callie. After about an hour he turned to me and waved bye-bye. I asked him if he wanted to leave and he waved bye-bye again. Guess it was time to go home and take a nap! So we walked home (it's only next door) and I put him straight down. How convenient!

It wasn't just a fluke either--earlier he was sitting on the couch and turned to me and started waving bye-bye. It wasn't until we walked back into his room that I caught him rubbing his eyes. Does this mean he actually realizes and acknowledges that he is tired? And he wants to sleep? How glorious!!!

The other cute thing I just discovered he does is give kisses. I was holding him (he was squirming, like usual) and I mentioned that I loved giving him kisses because he smelled so sweet. He responded by turning toward me and puckering his lips up! He even says "bwah" as he does it...so cute, though a little juicy.

Anyone else want Scotty kisses?

Well, I hear crying from the other room, so nap time must be over. As Marian would say, "uh-oh, Shlotty"...

Scotty's 13th month...

Well, this last month has been an interesting one... he is exerting his independence and gets VERY frustrated if something doesn't work the way he wants it to. For instance, as I'm writing this, he is trying to put his Scotty dog through the bars of the rocking chair. It actually will fit (though I doubt the dog likes it much!) but unfortunately he is trying to pull the head through one space and the tail through another...screaming and pouting ensues.

Once I jump in and tweak the problem just a bit so he can fix it on his own, all is well again. For about two minutes until something else is defeating him.

He has also managed to jump into and out of the tub once this week, with me barely managing to snag him by the ankles before he slams his head onto the ground. What an adventure!


Favorite book: the touch and see Alphabet book (thanks Sarah!)
Favorite toy: his stuffed Mickey Mouse that he likes to cuddle. and spoons, of course.

Favorite things to do: splash in the bath, go for walks, chase Daddy around the house, and walk out the front door. you'll notice that eating does NOT make this list--he's in some weird picky phase! I have no experience with this so it's driving me nuts :o) today, he only wants to eat cottage cheese. I tried to sneak a small piece of pear into a bite and he responded by throwing himself on the ground and screaming. Interesting, for a kid who eats bugs and mud to get picky about fruits! I'm trying not to acknowledge or respond to the screaming, and it seems like he's better at getting over it on his own...

New word: "Yeah" it's so cute! I ask him if he wants to go for a walk and he says "Yeah" all casual.

New trick: imitating everything I do. He's my little helper around the house, he brushes his teeth when he sees Daddy do it, and he imitates the sounds we make. He is also working on that finger-in-the-cheek-popping noise. Does that have a name? Anyway, right now he flicks his finger out of his mouth and says "ba." It's almost the same thing :o) He also talks on the phone. If you want a cute phone call to cheer you up, just let me know and I'll have Scotty call you!

BYU Football is AWESOME!!!!

For those of you who either weren't at the game or don't follow the gloriousness that is BYU Cougar football, here is a picture of the scoreboard from today's game (Saturday, Sept. 13, 2008):

No, your eyes do not deceive you. We absolutely DESTROYED the Bruins. It was quite the game. And for all you Washington Huskies fans out there that think our blocked field goal last week was a fluke, the Cougars also blocked the Bruins' first field goal attempt today. Here are a few more pics of Scotty and I with our capes on:

I LOVE BYU FOOTBALL!!!! And a special thanks to Jason, Sarah, Adam, Martha, Stephen, Bekah, and Andrea for getting all decked out to cheer on our Cougars! I'm looking forward to a similar stomping against Wyoming next week.

I'm grateful for...

It's been one of those weeks--I can only blame it on teething and hope that sooner or later it goes away!

Rather than dwell on it all, I thought I'd resort to a fabulous little trick I learned from Eric back when we were lowly and immature freshman (ha not much has changed!) In abridged form and no particular order, here is my
"I am grateful for..." list today:

pictures of cute babies with sweet smiles...animal-shaped clouds...friends willing to babysit crazy children...eric singing his "Ode to Cougar Football" to the tune of "O, Canada" in the shower...scotty walking around like Frankenbaby...afternoon naps!...fuzzy slippers...earrings that make me feel stylish even on days i didn't get to shower or brush my hair...having family close by!...amazing sunsets...

Elder Uchtdorf's talk during regional conference (I felt more peaceful than i have since this whole hyperstress thing began!)...my little helper...

feeling like i have sisters for the first time ever (thanks Bekah and Misty!)...being able to continue my education in something i LOVE...a supportive husband who lets me talk and makes a special trip for ice cream whenever he thinks it might help...phone calls with my mom!...the world's best mother-in-law...

being able to laugh at myself when i say things like "thank you for bringing mama the toilet brush! let's go put it back in the bathroom"...sweet Scotty hugs from a boy who thinks he's "all grown up" already...

warm bubble baths...shaved legs and brushed hair!...painted toenails...walks in the sunshine...BYU football (it always makes Eric so happy!)...being married to my best friend...DATE NIGHT!...ice cream...fruity pebbles...ice cream...game time with friends...Inside Out's "Primary Colors" cd that always makes Scotty happy...everyone who says "hi" to me and makes me feel important!...a wonderful ward...my dad praying for scotty's teeth to come in :o)...

ice cream (have i mentioned that yet?)...and EVERYONE reading this blog! Thank you for all you mean to me!

If we can do anything to make your day brighter--let us know!

Our Awesome Family (through the ages)

Thanks Brooke and Kelly for cracking me up with your photos--we had to make some of our own!

http://www.yearbookyourself.com/

If you put your cursor over the image it will tell you which year the picture is...

don't forget to vote (see the right side panel) for your favorite shot!

Coronado Island!

My family has a little tradition of driving out to Coronado Island (off the coast of San Diego) every summer.







This year Scotty and I flew out to join the party while Eric stayed to show his true blue cougar football spirit...(in case you can't recognize these blue blooded people, from left to right: stephen, andrea (bekah's best friend/practically sister), bekah, brent, eric)
To support his obsessiveness, I made capes for Eric, his brother Stephen, and a miniature one for Scotty...
What an amazing wife I am! Maybe i should make one for myself...


Anyway, we had a great time out at Coronado! We stay in a hotel just a block away from the beach and take a relaxing weekend hanging out on a beach that gets swept seaweed free every morning at 5am and eating lots of gelato.

Scotty liked the water even when it swept salt in his eyes, but he LOVED LOVED LOVED the sand! His cousin Adien brought a sand turtle and a shovel for him to play with--he immediately recognized it for what is was: a really big spoon.

We had a great time and loved seeing family.